The Go-To Relationship Guide for Gay Men
From Honeymoon to Lasting Commitment
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Gay relationships are different.
We might not have queer elders as role models, or have faced personal and societal trauma, or be experiencing a Second Queer Adolescence. We can't simply squeeze ourselves into the heteronormative structures we've been offered and expect to find happiness.
Weaving theory with personal experience and case studies, this workbook gives you the tools to build a rich, deep, gay relationship. Adapted from the Bader/Pearson developmental model of relationship therapy, and suitable for those practicing both monogamy and alternative relationship structures, this guide supports you from the first flush of the honeymoon to a place of real commitment.
We might not have queer elders as role models, or have faced personal and societal trauma, or be experiencing a Second Queer Adolescence. We can't simply squeeze ourselves into the heteronormative structures we've been offered and expect to find happiness.
Weaving theory with personal experience and case studies, this workbook gives you the tools to build a rich, deep, gay relationship. Adapted from the Bader/Pearson developmental model of relationship therapy, and suitable for those practicing both monogamy and alternative relationship structures, this guide supports you from the first flush of the honeymoon to a place of real commitment.
- Published: Jul 21 2025
- Pages: 240
- ISBN: 9781805012658
Press Reviews
Joseph Winn LICSW, CST-S AASECT Certified Sex therapist and Certified Supervisor of Sex Therapy
As useful for clinicians interested in conceptualizing differentiation as an organizing concept in relational therapy with gay, queer, and male identified same gender loving people, as it is for men looking to better understand how to remain authentic and connected to self and others in intimate relationship.
Michael A. Vigorito, LMFT, CGP, CST-S, Co-author of Treating Out of Control Sexual Behavior – Rethinking Sex Addiction
Tom Bruett tailors conventional relationship advice specifically for gay male couples, saving you the hassle of sifting through heteronormative content for useful insights. With warmth and humor, he offers practical tools for gay men to enhance their relationships and strengthen their connections. -
Ellyn Bader, Ph.D, Co-Founder of The Couples Institute and Co-Creator, The Developmental Model of Couples Therapy
Tom takes you on a journey from trauma to transformation. You can go as deep as you desire to create the loving relationship that's perfect for you. As a co-creator of the Developmental Model, I am thrilled to have our work so powerfully executed to benefit the queer community.
Peter Pearson, Ph.D. Co-founder The Couples Institute
In a vast emotional desert, Tom's book shines like a radiant oasis, offering profound insights and heartfelt guidance for navigating gay relationships. Embrace this treasure map to clarity and connection-your inspiring journey towards authentic love begins now
Dr. Justin Lehmiller, Kinsey Institute research fellow, author of Tell Me What You Want, and host of the Sex and Psychology Podcast.
Tom Bruett has written an indispensable guide for gay and queer men looking to build healthy, lasting, and fulfilling relationships. Written in a very down-to-earth style, Bruett seamlessly weaves together clinical insights, science, and personal stories. This book is brimming with practical tips and advice on how to build a thriving relationship while staying true to yourself.
Nelly Cannon, LMFT
Excellent book! It was refreshing to read a book written specifically for queer and gay men, rather than for straight men that was adapted to queer folks. The sections about relationship models, (Developmental, Attachment & Differentiation) will be incredibly practical for helping queer and gay men have better relationships.